Here’s an article I wrote a while back addressing an issue I’ve had several people raise with me, and which I suspect is in the mind of a lot of guys out there. It is the fear that the evolutionary approach to human nature which we apply in our endeavour to better our success with women implies a genetic determinism that flies in the face of the principle of the principles of self-improvement.
I will here explain why it is mistaken to believe that the lessons of evolutionary psychology imply that we are doomed to endure a genetic faith which is beyond our control.
Enjoy.
Self-Improvement in the Era of the Chromosome
I was recently in a club when a guy I know from the community came up and greeted me. He had been working for a few years on becoming better with women and nurturing the connected personality traits in himself; confidence, sense of humour, social intelligence and so on.
As we talked, it became clear that he wasn’t entirely satisfied with the results he had been getting, and had become a bit disillusioned with regards to whether at all it is at all possible to change yourself.
“Look man,” he said. “Sometimes I think we largely fool ourselves in this community. We study all this stuff about evolution and genetics. Well, guess what? If everything is genetics and the behavioural and emotional circuitry of women is hardwired and beyond their control, as Mystery says, then the same must be true about us, men, too. Most of the guys I have met that do well seem to have been fairly confident most of their life. So maybe some of us have just been hardwired to be awkward beta males and there isn’t jack shit we can do about it, because it is all genetics.”
I am quoting from memory, but this was basically how he felt. He was obviously frustrated, but I could see where he was coming from. For a subculture that focus so much on inalterable behaviour patterns (“if you do this right, she can’t help being attracted”), genetics, emotional circuitry and hardwiring, this might seem to contradict the other central tenet of belief: that no matter how much of a chump you are, this can be changed and you can be transformed into a swashbuckling ladies man.
Indeed, it has been established that there is a significant genetic component in all of the five major dimensions in which psychologists define personality: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism.
So, that’s it right? Some guys are just naturally extraverted and confident whereas others are shy and introverted and there is not much to do about it? Damned genes! Maybe we should just drop our hard science focus because it is too depressing and embrace pseudo-science, new age and start yapping on about chakras and energies?
Hell no. The idea that genes = determinism stems from a misunderstanding of what the life sciences truly teaches us. My friend’s frustration was an unfortunate yet understandable effect of a community that often embraces a simplistic, folk-version of evolutionary thinking with very few of its members having a real understanding of the theories. This article will briefly explain not only why genes doesn’t prevent you from changing and improving yourself, but why your genes are the only mechanisms through which change is at all possible.
First, what are genes? A gene is a recipe in your DNA for making a protein. What kind of a protein depends on the information in the DNA. The ASPM gene, for example, contains the code for the amino acids isoleucine and glutamine that are vitally important for brain size.
Now don’t worry, I won’t get too technical here. All you need to understand is, firstly, that DNA codes for proteins that have vital functions in your body and mind. Some genes produce proteins that contribute to personality traits such as aggression, sexual assertiveness, pair-bonding and so on. A gene on chromosome 20 in humans, for example, regulates the production of the hormone oxytocin, which is central in pair bonding.
Secondly, you need to understand that the fact that your personality is affected by proteins which in turn stems from your genes, do not mean it is set in stone. A lot of people seem to believe that if there is a gene “for”, say, confidence or libido, it is decided at the moment of conception whether you’ll be confident or have a high sex drive and that environmental influences will not matter. The genes you have will provide a set personality by producing a given level of “confidence” or “horniness” hormones, and that’s that.
Not so. The genes are not blind Soviet Union factories, mindlessly producing the pre-set proteins according to some rigid central plan. To the contrary, they depend on your experiences and outside stimuli to know when to “switch on” production. It would be better to compare them with, say, skill full and savvy capitalists who keep a close eye on what the market demands and what “season” it is to turn on and off the production of various proteins accordingly (puberty is the most important “season” any human being will go through, where all kinds of genes dormant since conception suddenly are switched on).
I guess an example is in order here. In the 1950’s, an eager birdwatcher named Daniel Lehrman discovered that the male ring doves courtship dance triggered a change in the hormones of the female doves. What this means is that the mere act of observing a male dance caused dormant genes in the female to be switched on and producing proteins that made her want to mate.
I have now used the term “switched on” three times, you didn’t read it wrong. Genes are not always operating on some set capacity, they get switched on and off according to outside stimuli. How this happens is a complicated process and not important to outline here, all you need to know is that it happens (strictly speaking, genes are more like thermostats than switches, but for our purposes the switch metaphor works fine).
The flipside of the coin: if you are not exposed to the right stimuli, many genes will not switch on. They will stay dormant, some times forever.
Another example: an experiment was done with a pack of chimpanzees in a zoo. Chimps naturally form social hierarchies that are dominated by an alpha male. Beta males and females show their subordination by making submissive gestures towards the alpha male. Experimenters took the alpha male out of the pack, tested his testosterone level, and placed him in a room of his own, separated from his pack by a two-way mirror. He could see them, but they couldn’t see him. Every time another chimp came by he tried to intimidate them into displaying submission to his status, but was duly ignored. After a while the absence of submissive displays made him drop his dominant behaviour patterns and he became shyer and more reserved. When his testosterone levels were then tested again, they had plummeted.
It was as if his body had concluded he had been dethroned as the leader of the pack, and then duly switched off the genes that produce hormones conducive to dominant behaviour. In fact, that was exactly what had happened.
This makes perfect evolutionary sense: dominant behaviour is good as long as you are strongest guy on the block – and whether you are is determined largely by analysing the feedback others give you – but if you are not it will only get you killed, and being submissive and agreeable is a healthier tactic.
If you feel bad for our alpha-chimp, don’t. When he was let back into the room with his pack, true, he thought he was now a mere beta and tried not to bring much attention to himself. But the rest of the pack did not know of these recent developments and thus immediately started showing him the same reverence as before. He quickly picked up on this – or rather, his genes did – and he was soon back to throwing his weight around like a school bully.
Talk about etched in stone, eh?
The point of all of this is that your body will search for your relative status in society based on the feedback it gets. Then it will literally switch on and off genes accordingly. So, if you have been a virgin or been picked on all your life (and access to females is the primary indicator of your relative status in species’ similar to ours), there have been no reason to suggest that anything could be gained by switching on the genes that produce proteins contributing to sexually and socially confident behaviour. Again, as far as the evolutionary logic is concerned, that is more likely to get you killed than anything else.
Of course, we live in a completely different environment today, where your chances of getting your head kicked in for getting uppity and trying to climb in the social hierarchy is virtually nil. First of all, the rule of law has replaced nature red in tooth and claw (thank you Romans). Second of all, there are so many people running around that most people are strangers, and thus have no preconceived notions of who you are or how you should behave.
So it has never been so easy to change yourself, and the way you go about it – in a way so real it can be not only experienced emotionally but measured chemically – goes through changing the feedback the world gives you. Unfortunately, that can only be done by changing the way you behave. That sounds like a catch-22, and in a way it is, but it is far from out of reach.
How this is done in detail will be touched upon at some length on this site, but for now you can start by focusing on changing your appearance, consciously changing the way you act and talk. Fake it until you make it. Gradually, the feedback you get from the outside world will change in a more positive direction, cementing your newly adopted behaviours as “naturally” yours. From here it will only spiral upward, with every success and positive experience making the next easier to obtain.
Yes, there is no getting around it for those of us who cares about cold, hard truths as opposed to fairy-tale illusions propagated by snake-oil salesmen; some people are naturally more extroverted and confident than others. Bo-fucking-hoo, woe is me. That might not feel fair, but it is the way the world works. That is no excuse not to go the extra mile, because you have dormant strengths you weren’t even aware of. They are sleeping because the impulses and environmental feedback you have exposed yourself to wasn’t conducive to waking them up. Start changing that. Now.
